Agonyzer’s Neighborhood

Summer began several weeks past, graduation broke the barrier into a well needed season of rest and relaxation, or so one would think. Upon further investigation, I find that I've really gotten about as much, if not less, actual relaxation than I would at Webb for a week or two, and that, my friends, is worrying. But now that I have my Drivers License, I find myself running errands. Now that I'm at home with mom, I'm Mr Maintenance and I have to do about everything myself, not that she doesn't contribute. Half of the living room looks wonderful right now. At the expense of the kitchen and the other half. Understand, we have a wonderful two story home out in the Antioch area. It's a beautiful brick home that, might I say needs a little work? The garden is growing well, though struggling somewhat with the summer and the surprising if infrequent rains here in Nashville. The lawn itself could use quite a bit of work, considering it's nothing but weeds and crabgrass, at least it's mostly green (though I think the better quality grass is in the garden, not on the lawn where it should be). The old red shutters have been removed and the gutter was fixed a weekend or two ago, there's some of that progress I was talking about. The back yard is spacious and rustic, though the sheds are a little worse for wear, needing of paint. The large concrete slabs that make up half of the back are sagging badly down the hill, which can hardly be helped. The old redwood deck is wearing out as well, the plywood up top hasn't been sealed for years and it shows. The screened in area below gets more rain than the rest of the house, and it's covered.

The inside is coming along nicely now that Dad's back in, downstairs (his area) is mostly together though a box or two still sits in the large unused room between the living space and his bedroom. The upstairs, where my mom and I live, that's what needs work, My room is as much of a mess as anything, I'll admit... Papers everywhere, a few dishes, books scattered about and some old school supplies. Most of it is on my desk though. And it's not for lack of storage space, I just haven't gotten around to straightening up. I hope to do a bit of that tomorrow. Mom's room has been uninhabited for a while, as she's been sleeping in the old chair in the living room, which isn't too bad, except she never moves, she has the remote control, her computer, and her son, and apparently that's enough for her (never is a harsh term, she does work every two weeks cleaning a large home for a wealthy family, she's also made progress up here, as I said, the center half of the living room looks great, though the other half, the kitchen, the dining room, the laundry room, the bathrooms upstairs and her room are all a touch out of shape, I can't claim to not contribute at all, I'm afraid...

Enough about my quality of life, what have I actually been doing?
Well, as far as art and writing goes, I've been slacking in the writing department while working on a piece in Photoshop CS3 which is actually coming out somewhat nicely, still needs work though. Here's a link. As I said, it's in progress, I hope it turns out quite nicely.

I've been reading Tolkien's (apparently, as I learned today, pronounced Tahl-keen) The Hobbit. Which I haven't read in years. And I plan to finally read The Lord of the Rings trilogy (once I find the Two Towers, which has been missing for some time).

I just recently finished watching a little known anime called "Noein" A short 24 episode Anime with its basis in quantum physics. Noein follows young Haruka, who has a power giving her the name "Ryu no toruku" The Dragon's Torque from the people of other time-spaces, her encounters with people from a Time-Space they've named La'cryma, and an enemy timespace called Shangrila. One of the most important concepts mentioned is the idea of Quantum possibilities. For example if someone rolls a die, they could get a one, well, in another time-space they get a two, each of those decisions branches off into another timespace, La'cryma is a future timespace, exactly 15 years into Haruka's future. When talking to her friend Gotou Yuu she encounters a man named Karasu. Well, I'll give no furter details, I'll just say that if Quantum theories interest you, give this anime a shot. Noein mou hitori no kimi e. Noein Towards another you.

And Finally, Today was fathers' day so we went to go see Terminator. One word. EPIC.

I'm done.

I miss the Sundays when we'd get together, we'd eat and mess around. We'd take a few whacks at one another with foam swords or pilot massive collections of pixels to the other's downfall. Maybe we'd play guitar together, I miss days like that when we didn't have much more than who knew or who cared to bother us. Sometimes we'd go downtown Nashville and check out the comic shops or this event or another. Sometimes it wasn't Sunday, but Saturday or Friday night when we'd get together and go see a movie. I remember one evening particularly well, even if I don't remember the date. We went to see "An American Haunting," it wasn't so much the movie itself, though a good movie indeed, but more the girls several rows in front of us who would scream, then their friend would say "Thought you were going to stop that," they'd apologize, and a few moments later after I counted down in my mind to the next little surprise, they'd scream again, and apologize once more. On the way out of the theater, I couldn't stop an endless torrent of laughter, one thing after another would get me laughing just as hard or even more. And even though I knew how silly or stupid I might have seemed, I still laughed, and I was still happy.

I miss those times when we'd get together, another day I remember well, make that two different days, well away from one another. The first that I recall was the day I was incredibly surpised by a motor-bike sitting in the garage, I had wondered, of course, for what earthly reason a helmet had swapped hands, and when I saw, and I got on the thing, no matter how many times the throttle caught the back of my hand, I was still intoxicated with the wonderful gift. The other time I recall is what depresses me most. You had given me yet another gift, but this gift would be the start of a horrible and pointless conflict which would cause pain to not just us, but several others, It was her birthday the particular day that it happened. We sat there in the crowded restaurant, and what were the chances that just then my gift would fail to receive fourteen calls from my mother. From there, I don't wish to recall much, I just know that from then there have been more or less than five different occasions on which we've been fortunate to meet, I could likely list all of them, and count them on my fingers. I'd rather not, I'd rather it seem as if it were actually just yesterday that we sat in your living room discussing rythem of one of my first compositions. Or Sitting in your basement carving foam into small mountainous structures, or in your dining room with little rats and dwarves spread across the table, we laughed when I - a first timer - beat someone who had played long before I'd heard of the game. Or when we cleaned your office, when we removed the gunk from the turtle tank in your bedroom, or painted the bathroom, or organized the books in your library, your room mate's old room. Or when we cleaned out your garage. When I began to remove a fraction of your lawn with a machette knife, or hacked at trees in your back yard with one of your swords. When we watched Shaun of the Dead, or the time spent in Texas with your parents, my grandparents. And the time in the car inbetween there and Nashville again. When we went to CD Warehouse and I got a free CD with the purchase of four others. When we sat in the cul-de-sac pumping the breaks of the old trash truck. When we sat atop the hill with a makeshift kite in the making and you said "Theoretically, somewhere" so many times, and she and I laughed, we'd had too much Root beer and Cream Soda. I remember a day when we ate outside with so many others who posess names I've now forgotten but we had fun none the less. So many memories, and that's barely scratching the surface...

On the matter of dedication. I'll admit, I don't have enough of it. If I did, I'd have written at least four different books, and a fifth of short stories, but of course not, I don't have that kind of commitment, of course, I've set a goal that I'll be done with this manuscript by April, and be published in full by next summer. Can I do that? With enough commitment, and enough people pushing me, I hope I can, I'm on chapter three, page sixteen, these are short pages, of course, not incredibly impressive or anything. Publishing's another matter, I'll need editors, I'll need reviewers, and I'll need a publisher, of course, if I even get that far, I'll focus on the manuscript for now, aiming for 25-35 chapters by next month. which is already later than I'd originally planned, deadlines just aren't enough for me, I suppose.

It's late, good night all, I'm done

I've had an English paper for a while now. And as I should have, I had most of it done before hand. I made the mistake, however, of not staving it in several places. Instead. I saved it on my flash drive. And what happens to small plastic things when things almost ten times their weight falls on them? I should have saved a copy to my computer. Now I have the rest of the evening to finish this paper, my math homework, study for a western civilization test, work on my lab report, and finish my Trip report from two weekends past. "If you don't write it down, you've not done it." My rant, as is my time, very short

Indeed, my friends, days turn into weeks, and I neglect.

Yea, but there is much to which I must attend while others may fall to my feet where I stand. I prioritize needless things it seems, upon thinking of it, who needs a video game when one can write? Who needs late night television when one can read? A movie when an epic poem rests unread upon the mahogany shelves? But yea to are other priorities made not in falsehood. Education still remains in its place, as do family and friends.

Though for some, who needs enemies when you can have friends like these? A bout of confusion, and what do I wake up recalling? A fantasy or a nightmare, my mind makes not the choice in ease when it would be so simple and sweet, with just a slight movement I can take what I want. But nay, it's the hand of sensibility which bars my path on that road to misdeed, and so better it is that I divert my eyes.

What's a game to a page of written work? What is it that one can receive from doing someone else's work that cannot be gained from doing one's own and having just as great an adventure? Take to the seas in the boat built from your own hand's quick and practiced movements, or take to the skies upon dragon's wings. There are works you might take and benefit the same as creating your own, but that which lies in animation is not the greatest work, though some tales are told through the movement of pixels alone. A story in this day in time is just as likely to be found on paper as it is on film, or on an over-priced piece of plastic (and gold and silicon, and whatever else). What can be gained from turning on the television when a person could just as easily, and with so much more benifit, take a step out the front door, and see what it is that you can put in store for yourself. No better definition than that which comes from your own eyes.

There, and I can't tell when I'll write again, I have books and empty pages to attend to, yes? And so must you! Why read what I have to say when your story can be just as great?

Write as you move
Never stop
If you keep that pen a-moving
they'll never take you down

The luck goes to you, oh, writers of the world, and if I keep this rant up ever couple of days, I'll either run out of things to say, my posts will get shorter, like this one, only a few lines; or maybe I'll get better at writing, No doubt in my mind. This keyboard, the reason I'm not going to rant for long, is irritatingly loud. So, good night.

As the spark flies from the flint
The bullet flies from the shell
the shell flies from the gun
and the gun flies from the hand.

I'm not suicidal, if that's what you're wondering. Of course I'm not, I'm to proud of what I have to do here to end or inhibit my life (sin number 1). Of course, even if I were suicidal, there are better ways to do it than to shoot yourself, that's too quick, I'd rather not go out a pansy, but it takes a lot of guts to pull that gun to your hand. Not as many as you'd spill having the balls to drag a knife through your stomach, the Japanese had quite a bit right, and I've got a lot of respect for that, of course, that's saying I'd not be too lazy to show up for my hara kiri session with the family, it's all in the matter of perspective, assuming I wasn't as proud or as life-oriented as I am, I'd just take a look for a minute, and say "I've dishonored, them, why the hell'd they want to hear my suicide speech? They can take what they want after I die, why would I hand it out?" So, not everything the Japanese made sense, like their verb usage, from what I learned, there are more gerunds used in Japanese than single verb forms, desu's a bit over used, huh? then again, we use "to be" a bit too much, ourselves. Try writing a paper without saying be, am, are, was, were, etc. good luck, that's like speaking english wth n vwl snds, but why complain? Its no big deal to talk that way through a phone. What's OMG to you? Nobody swears to God, that wouldn't make sense, the context is all wrong, that's assuming there is a god. which brings us to why the hell I'm ranting, I'm ranting because I'm tired, I'm tired because I have to recite a fairy tale from memory in five days, why not six? No. That extra day would throw me off, why have you confirm your memory only seven days before? why not perform an oratory several times before the official dates, where you'd be penalized the same for not knowing it, that way, when you get around to it, it might turn out a little bit more interesting, and REHERSED, how surprising. By the way, I'm not going to go back and check, have I used "be"? At least it's not Spanish, I I am, We we are, careful, we might not be sure who you're talking about.  Oh, damn, I stopped for a minute, which caused me to pick back up, well, the keyboard's ought to be smoking by now, the rant's too long, by the way, you don't actually have to read it, this is for my sake, isn't that what a blog is supposed to be? Oh, its not? Oh well, you learn more about me this way than you do by talking to me face to face, you should try it, this whole e-ranting thing, it's better than... well, maybe not, I wouldn't know, I don't sin that much, I just think about it, who doesn't? Stake your claim, but if you're right? back to the beginning with us, and throw down the apple, maybe another tree will grow, will it bear the same fruit? Maybe if we cultivated the apple long enough before partaking of it, we'd go directly to advance science and mathmatics, you can't skip in literature, that has to evolve on its own, though, language doesn't, art is of the mind, speach is of the... I'm thinking too hard, and where does that get me?

.... The school psychiatrist, "What do you think your job is as a prefect?"
"Do what I'm told?" No, I went for the whole "I know what you want to hear, so, here it is" deal, and what about those words? I should turn this in for extra credit. A prefect, back to the point here, signs up for duty in the library or gym, and sometimes, if they're really bored, will sign up for the weekend, but that's irritating, because no one signs up for weekend duty, you end up going to the Koreans' rooms and asking them if they have anything better to do, and as they look up from their game of Warcraft III, they say, "Yes, go away" in that Asian accent that would be nice if it weren't spelled with two Ss instead of one, like restaurants in California, "You go now,"  is all you hear, but as you're leaving the Chinese chick who tells you to leave is thinking, "Stupid American, you go now's damn right, and if I have to keep up this phony accent, then I may have to shoot the damn place up..." of course, I don't mean to be racist, or anything of the sort, I love Asian people, especially Japanse, I see a circle.

I stopped again, meaning I had to think, that's not a good thing, because I know I have more to say, but I look at the clock, and I see why I may not be able to keep thinking, it's a Thursday, and almost twelve, that means I have to go to sleep. I'm tired, it's how my body runs, and in the morning, I get to put on Jeans instead of fancy-pants pants. It's a jeans-day, and why not a khaki day, or a fleece day, maybe a wool day, as long as its well made, and not itchy beyond beleif. I have to pay two dollars to wear my jeans tomorrow, you know what that means? The particular jeans that I plan to wear have now costed my almost double the original 20 dollars I probably payed for them, and it may be more, considering I don't actually follow the water and electricity bills, I just know that I need to lose weight so I can wear and wash a different pair, which can end up costing me a completely different fifty dollars.

I have ten minutes, and I won't wake up early enough to shower, I have suite mates, I'll do it after school, I'll have time, as long as I call my mom to tell her I want to get picked up late, so she doesn't have to come, dad can do it, and I'll suprise her with the table I promised I'd bring back no less than two months ago. Good night all, and look forward to another rant! ((I really should do this more often, but I'll run out of things to talk about... Maybe I'll pick up here next time.... or maybe I'll have something decent to give you next time, like, a review.

As the season draws near once more for exams to come around, I wait every night, wishing the homework away, and wishing the exams here, I just want to get the damn things over with. English is first, on saturday, that shouldn't be hard in the least. History and Science on monday, the only two I really need to worry about really, and algebra, maybe which is on tuesday, preceded by Spanish in the morning... and nothing on wednesday, but I don't plan to leave until that evening... 

Just one more day among the life at Webb. Of course, you've not heard from me before now... I'll give you the tour some day. Other than Mr. Wofford's canoe deal from 6:30 to 7:30pm or so... I was able to help out with the demo there, so it wasn't all that bad. I learned in a bout 20 minutes how to flip a canoe over my shoulders and portage it a ways. That was the way of the demo. We took it in today during Outerlimits, the Webb outdoors program, the large wooden canoe and the smaller green one with it. We took them into the student center and arranged the place around the canoes so we could get it together before the actual demo. We had about a quarter of the REQUIRED people show up, so we may have to take a little bit more charge next time around, doing something like 45 minutes of some canoeing demo, paddling, history, boatmaking, then I got to flip the boat over my shoulders... that was the hilight of my day... Hm... thats all I suppose... for the night.... But nothing good has really come up... to be perfectly honest... I found my declamation though.... hm... more on that later.